I say to myself, “If only I could fly away from all of this! If only I could run away to the place of rest and peace. I could run far away where no one could find me, escaping to a wilderness retreat.” Pause in his presence I will hurry off to hide in the higher place, into my shelter, safe from this raging storm and tempest.
It wasn’t an enemy who taunted me. If it was my enemy, filled with pride and hatred, then I could have endured it. I would have just run away. But it was you, my intimate friend—one like a brother to me. It was you, my advisor, the companion I walked with and worked with! We once had sweet fellowship with each other. We worshiped in unity as one, celebrating together with God’s people.I was betrayed by my friend, though I lived in peace with him. While he was stretching out his hand of friendship, he was secretly breaking every promise he had ever made to me!So here’s what I’ve learned through it all: Leave all your cares and anxieties at the feet of the Lord, and measureless grace will strengthen you.”Psalms 55:7-8, 12-14, 20, 22 TPT
That sums it ups when we feel betrayed by a friend or brother. We want to split; it’s unbearable. We thought we could trust our friend, our sister, our father, our mother but we couldn’t. And…It cut like a knife to our heart or we just became numb to tolerate. …And it’s hard to work out. I expected them to be on my side, to understand me. I can understand this treatment from a distant relative or jealous colleague but -you we walked through so much together my best bud like a brother to me. We had high hopes for our friendship but you really let me down so I had to shut down any expectations. You justify your pain to me, “You don’t know the hurt they caused: they lied about me, gossiped, or slandered behind my back and turned people against me. ” We had sweet fellowship before when I thought I knew you but the fall was hard.
So what do we do now? We hit an impasse, a wall. Perhaps we close up like a flower to not get hurt again. Maybe we run away and leave their church or ministry or life altogether. Maybe we simply put up being around them cause they are part of the family. But we can’t get away from this colleague friend or brother so what do we do? We tried to be peacemaker but maybe they did not listen, and we ignored their bad behavior in silence but that made them louder. It grew worse. We don’t know what to do and their attitude seems to affect ours greatly. So where do we go from here? Wait for it to cool down. Maybe pray for them or about the situation, but they still have a choice to let it go or try to make your life miserable.
So maybe in our desperate prayers maybe we can ask God what do you want me to do? Prayer is a start. Forgiving the injustice of it all 7 Times 7 and remember God understands! At an early age his parents yelled at him for going away to be about His Fathers business teaching in the temple. They did not understand him. Jesus was not accepted in his hometown and he was even the Son of God.
Joseph’s brothers wanted to kill him for jealousy and there was a great act of painful reconciliation when his brothers came miles from home to the land Joseph was sold to begging for food and water. Little did they know the slave their own betrayed brother Joseph was governor of the land at that point. But Joseph was grieved; he was ticked and angry He tested them at first. Maybe you are fuming and I have no idea what they did to you. Maybe they wanted you dead or it felt like that. Joseph says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Who knows what perspective can do? God can use offenses to work for good for you and others even making you more like Jesus in love and forgiveness.
But if Jesus went through misunderstanding and strife with family and those in his hometown should we expect to be exempt from it? And he was perfect! He sympathized with weakness yet without sin. I was not there, but Jesus was and he carries our pain and sorrow and injustice to the cross. He also forgives us and do we have a right to hold a grudge or claim entitlement. Yes forgiveness is different then fully trusting again or putting ourself in abusive relationship. I’m not talking about that. But Jesus died for your offenses and theirs. Even if they did 80 percent wrong but we still did the other 20. And we can forgive because we are forgiven.
God what can I do to make my part right, to own up to it? Could it be even in our attitude not in what we said or did. So we ask God where we are going wrong. We can admit, “I’m sorry I was wrong,“can even be our starting point. “I did not want to hurt you but my actions did and you reacted. Yet it did hurt me what you said then I was wrong and I closed up and pushed you away. ” We can start by praying for them, the situation even if we feel no words will help. Those closest to us often take out the most pain on us even if it is about something else they are going through. Anger often gets dumped sideways on another person unrelated. We can take out our frustration on them due to expectations or fear. Are you despondent, what if this happens again? Let’s entrust our hearts to Jesus and ask for soft forgiving hearts and thick skin not to take it so personal. But close family and close friends can know how to particularly twist the things to hurt us cause they just know how to push those buttons.
What insecurity in that or thing does Jesus want to heal to make us not react? It could be the weight of guilt, they heap guilt if we don’t do what they expect or ask. Jesus took that guilt away so maybe you need to realize more freedom. Or it could be gossip or criticism that wounded you. Let Jesus stand for you and take the constructive part of it. Possibly you need to let their idols fall to break their expectations. Or your own of them.
At times, you say they yell and you can’t take it. You don’t have to stay there in that place forever. You can acknowledge their feelings and address concern and perhaps come back later to discuss it when they are calm. Maybe you need to get someone who can act as an objective observer and sort it out with them. Matthew speaks of this when no one is listening. Or if you have fear to move forward. You could be are so mad yourself or them that you can’t begin to take a step. Get counsel from God and from others, ask for accountability. Go forward and take a step toward relationship again. Trust Daddy God who can make a way.
Be a forgiving fabulous friend and family member that let’s go and possibly forgetting of offenses not worried about foreboding fights in the future because He’s got it all covered.
Life is too short. Old stubborn grudges must die. You only got your friends and family. Carpe diem! We are free when we forgive and we free others. Jesus left your sins behind you leave theirs. You are a new creation too new to let pain poison you. Let it go NOW!
With our God, friend and family relationships we find our most fulfillment. Maybe a new day is waiting for you to go deeper, heal more, and be unconditional love to those closest yet farthest away due to hurt. God can heal and restore.
God is into restoring and relationship rebuilding. Look to Him. Seek advice from those who have gone before us. Wait on Him if nothing is working or the other side is too stubborn. You be soft. Forgive. Want to make amends. Be open. Forgive angry words. Let’s forgive. Let’s trust God. Let’s not be afraid to love and whatever thing comes again. Let’s pray for breakthrough for each other and understanding. It’s never too late!
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